Psalm 32:1-5
Romans 6:5-11
Ann Atwater was a Civil Rights advocate in Durham, North Carolina, in the 1960’s and 70’s. She’s an African American woman, who grew up in the poor black neighborhoods in Durham. In the early 70’s she was appointed as one of the co-chairs of a committee on school desegregation for Durham. The other co-chair was C.P. Ellis, a white man who grew up in the poor white neighborhoods of Durham, and who also happened to be a high-ranking member of the local KKK. Ellis, this man whose identity was wrapped up in racism, hatred, was appointed mostly to undercut the work of integration, as a direct attack on Ms. Atwater and her work – her community’s work – to advance the civil rights of black folks. It’s a story that begins in hatred, and opposition. It sounds like some of the worst of what American can be. But, then, something strange happened. Through the process of serving together, they came to see each other not just as enemies, but as people – people who had both been held down by the south’s rigid social hierarchies and entrenched power structures. And, then, beyond belief, those two became friends, and worked together to break down barriers and create a new and more just society. Now, obviously, that new life, their new relationship, required some big repentance, especially by Ellis, the KKK leader, as he learned to see what was wrong within himself. The new relationship they experienced – the transformation of hostility to peace, of hatred to love – it required required both of them re-evaluating much of what they thought they knew about the other one. It seemed impossible, but forgiveness emerged, love emerged, something beautiful sprang forth from a situation that seemed downright ugly, impossible. Their story is chronicled in the book “The Best of Enemies” by Osha Gray Davidson, which I highly recommend, and that book was turned into a movie – with the same name – but I haven’t seen it, so, you know, I have no comment on its quality. But their story shows us something radical, something that seems impossible. Even the worst hatred in this world can be torn down. Even the darkest parts of our society can be restored by the light of love. Reflecting on this story, I can’t help but ask myself, how could Ms. Atwater ever forgive Mr. Ellis for his racism? How could they ever have a relationship? He had been sent to destroy her, his identity was based in hatred for hers. And yet, forgiveness – reconciliation that was nothing short of radical, that is impossible for most of us to imagine – happened.
In 2006, the world watched in horror as we witnessed a mass murder at a one-room Amish schoolhouse – a violent act that ended with the death of the shooter at his own hands. And then the world watched in wonder – in disbelief, as the parents of the victims, in the midst of their unthinkable grief, attended the shooter’s funeral, and were willing to count the shooter as one of the victims of his own violence – they mourned for this man who had torn their families apart. That is so rare, by the way – if you look at tragedies in this country, and if you do the math, we rarely count the perpetrators among the dead when we set up remembrances – we don’t mourn them, because we feel like we should hate them, like they don’t deserve our grief. But these Amish parents took their Christianity, their faith, they took it that seriously, and they saw that this man who had hurt them so was himself a victim of the sickness that caused him to commit such awful violence. And they also saw that his family were victims – and so, as they attended the funeral of this man who had done such violence to their loved ones, they hugged his widow, and they showered her with love and support. And they took the money that had been donated to them, and they shared it with her – with the family of the man who had caused all this tragedy. I have never been in such a situation, but it’s hard to imagine myself offering that kind of grace, that kind of forgiveness, that kind of love. In this darkest part of their lives, these people remained committed to the way of light, to the radical way of Jesus Christ. They offered radical forgiveness – reconciliation that seems impossible.
As we’ve said over and over these past few weeks, real forgiveness – forgiveness like this – is not a human possibility. It’s not something we can do on our own. It is something that only God can make possible. It is something that we can share because we have received it; we are able to extend mercy because we know that we ourselves depend on mercy for our very life, our very breath. Because God has loved us, because Christ died for us while we were still God’s enemies, we are able to practice love for our own enemies, even when it seems unthinkable.
These are radical acts of forgiveness – hopefully more than any of us ever have to practice in our own lives. They seem impossible, so different and distant from the lives that we live. But, I think that difference is a matter of degree – not a matter of type. What I mean is this: every act of forgiveness, if we slow down to think about it, is radical. And every long-term relationship, every healthy connection, is based on a history, on a pattern, of forgiveness – radical forgiveness. Let’s, for a moment, put aside the big things – lies, adultery, violence – that some people find ways to overcome and forgive. At a way more mundane level than that, the reality is that if you live with someone for a long time, things get said in the heat of frustration, in an argument, or when you’re worn out and not at your best – things get said that hurt, and continuing to move the relationship forward requires forgiveness. Things that are important to one party get forgotten by the other. Feelings get hurt. Whether it’s a spouse or a partner or a parent or a child or a sibling, maybe it’s a roommate or a longtime friend. Sometimes unintentionally, and sometimes intentionally, we harm each other; and a lasting relationship – any kind of relationship – with a person requires a million little acts of forgiveness. And the closer the relationship is, the more forgiveness is necessary. Sometimes the difference between a relationship that can last and one that falls apart is whether or not both parties are willing to forgive, to stop keeping score, to start fresh over and over again.
Again, as always, it’s important to note – if someone is hurting you, if you’re in a pattern of abuse that won’t stop – get out. God isn’t asking you to put yourself in danger, or to stay in a situation where you are being walked all over and taken advantage of. So, if that’s your situation, get out. If you need help getting out, talk to me, and we can help. But, short of that, hear me again, that even in healthy relationships, forgiveness is necessary. Part of being human in the midst of sin and brokenness is that we get it wrong, and we are too-often self-centered, and we need a fresh start over and over again.
And beyond those little, every day acts of forgiveness – things that are necessary, that are, in a sense, the definition of real love – think about that for a minute: what is the love we share with our friends, with our families? In part, it’s the willingness to say, “that person hurt me today, and they are sorry for it, and I’m going to forgive them and start over.” And sometimes, maybe with kids, or with family – sometimes it’s “that person hurt me, and they can’t even realize they hurt me, but I’m not going to let that hurt define our relationship. I’m going to offer forgiveness, start fresh tomorrow.” That’s what God does with us. We screw up over and over – sometimes we are sorry about it, sometimes we really aren’t – and God still offers us grace, God still welcomes us home, God still says “your sin doesn’t get to define our relationship. Instead, my love – my perfect, unstoppable love – is going to define our relationship. Even when you screw up over and over.”
There’s an author – a book I read recently – who talks about how real love – true love, love that is worthy of the name – real love has to be freely given. It can’t be something that we owe to the other person – acts of kindness can flow from obligation, but love is something we do over and above what is required. Love is a gift. That’s what God’s love for us is – our very existence is an act of love. We don’t have to exist – no one forced God to create us, or to create this world – but God decided that the universe wouldn’t be complete without us in it, so God creates us out of free, abundant love. That’s what true love looks like – it looks like a gift that you don’t deserve, that no one owes to you, but they give it to you anyway. But, because God has given us everything – even life itself – because of that, it’s almost impossible for us to love God in that way. Right, because, we owe God everything. So, how could we give God a gift that God doesn’t deserve? Our love for God can say “thank you” but how can it really be gratuitous, over-the-top – the kind of love that goes the extra mile? Because, what extra mile can we go? Everything we do is only something we can do because God made us.
So, this author says, that’s why God gave us our neighbors – and when this guy says “neighbors,” he’s saying “everyone who we meet, every person in the world” - that’s why God gives us our neighbors to love. Loving our neighbors is how we love God in that gratuitous, over-the-top way, because we are able to give our neighbors things that we don’t owe them, that they don’t deserve, that aren’t just paying them back for what they’ve already given us. And when we do that, we are not only loving our neighbors, we are loving God. By loving our neighbors freely, we are also loving God freely.
Here’s my point – maybe that was a little too philosophical for you, in which case, sorry, I guess I’m a dork – anyway, here’s my point: that radical love that God gives us – it demands to be shared. In fact, that sharing is part of how we love God back, how we sustain and nurture our relationship with God. We forgive others because God has forgiven us – both because God’s forgiveness makes it possible for us to share that forgiveness with others, AND because when we do, when we love folks – and loving people always includes forgiving them – when we do that, we are loving God back. Our forgiveness of others is made possible by God AND it is one of the ways that we grow closer to God. It’s that important.
In other words, forgiveness is a part of what it means to be close to God. When we forgive others, we get a taste of what it means to live in God’s presence – because God is the one who forgives, God is the source of all forgiveness, and so, when we share forgiveness, we get a glimpse, for just a moment, of life with God – we catch a glimpse of eternity in the present tense. Have you ever had one of those hard conversations, where you’re honest about the pain you’ve felt, about the hurts in a relationship, and you’ve worked through it with someone, and there was forgiveness afterwards? That’s a holy moment, y’all. That’s a moment of transformation. It takes work – it’s not easy. After all, as we said a couple of weeks ago, God’s forgiveness is centered in the cross of Jesus Christ – if forgiveness includes that kind of pain for God, we might expect that it includes at least some difficult conversations for us. But, when we work through it, something profound and holy can happen.
And even when we don’t, here’s what I need you to hear: even when you fail to forgive someone, even when someone won’t forgive you, even when you’re stuck in a place in a relationship where that kind of fresh start is impossible: amidst all of that, you can be part of the flow of forgiveness. Because, you can’t control how other people act, or how they react, but you can control what you do – and because there are a million opportunities to forgive people every day, you can practice forgiveness. Maybe forgiveness and reconciliation between you and your estranged family member is going to take a lot of work – and maybe it won’t be accomplished today or anytime soon – but, you can maybe take the first steps, and you can certainly forgive someone else, in the meantime, for one of the many little things that need to be forgiven. You can practice forgiveness, you can offer healing, even when it seems impossible – right now, in the present tense. And, as we named in the stories of those Amish parents, of Ms. Atwater and Mr. Ellis in Durham – it turns out that, maybe you can offer more radical forgiveness, you can experience more profound reconciliation, than you even thought possible. That kind of story, maybe in a smaller and less noticeable way – that kind of story of forgiveness can be the story of your life too.
But, here’s the real Good News: even when you fail at forgiveness, even when reconciliation doesn’t happen, even when you’re stuck in a pattern of keeping score and no one can get a fresh start – even when you don’t pass on the forgiveness you have received, even when you don’t love your neighbor – even when you feel like you aren’t worth anything, when you feel like you’re unforgiveable, here’s the Good News: God forgives you. That’s it. God forgives you. God forgives you and God forgives the person who you think is the worst. God’s radical forgiveness is available for everyone.
Hear this Good News: While we were still sinners, Jesus Christ died for us. That proves God's love towards us. In the name of Jesus Christ, you are forgiven. You are welcome at God’s table. No matter what you have done. And, therefore, you are called to go out and forgive others. But, even when you fail. Even when you are unloving and unforgiving, you are still forgiven. Thanks be to God.
